OVERCOMING OUR FEARS
Let’s START WITH THE WHY…
I have always been fascinated with why we think differently, why we see the world differently. We’re all living in the same world aren’t we? So why are some of us craving success, facing fears, committed to personal development and getting 2% better every day….. while some of us fall prey to limiting beliefs, focus on the “I can’t” and “I don’t deserve” and maybe decide not to even try facing fears, following dreams?
I hope you know my intention isn’t to offend anyone - if you know me, you know that’s not my nature - BUT I do believe that in global terms there are three kinds of people:
Those who are chasing their ultimate happiness in life (entailing facing-fear, rejection, getting knocked down etc.)
Those who THINK they’ve achieved it and have no more progress left to make
Those who are AFRAID of being happy and achieving their dreams, pushing even harder to get there!
I have done, and will forever, fall into that first category, so I’d love for you to think about where YOU are, and ask yourself why, and where would you want to be? So that we are all on the same page, I’d like to explain what I mean by descriptions 2 and 3….
The kind of person, in my opinion (this is ALL my opinion, it’s not the law, it’s not science, it’s just me) who thinks they are done with achievements, maybe needs to shift their mindset into what more they could do FOR OTHERS. Let’s pause just there. I really appreciated Brendon Burchard’s teachings (interview here) one time where he talked about legacy and how what you’ve done for yourself and even what you do for others in your lifetime is LIMITED if you don’t choose to build it bigger, to solidify your legacy. Whether it’s teaching, or being a motivational speaker, a brilliant chef, anything that you excel at that you are able to say you’ve succeeded in - this ends with YOU if you don’t devote yourself to helping others follow in your footsteps. This calls for you to actively lead by example because you have perfected YOUR gift, but why not want to keep giving it to others! Like a teacher who has a great system and allows their students to thrive but withholds this from all of the children worldwide with access to education because they’re not in her classroom… Or a motivational speaker who constantly inspires people one-on-one on a topic they have passion for and experience in, but doesn’t want to face their fear of public speaking on a stage. They are limiting the extent to which their voice can be heard, their techniques can be taught… And the chef - wouldn’t you leave recipes for your family and loved ones? Wouldn’t you want your talent to be known and respected forever? Wouldn’t you love your craft enough to mentor future chefs and not just have a great chain of restaurants but to shape the future of food?
LOTS of words here! Thank you for staying with me! I’m so grateful for your time, so hang in there just a little longer! Here we go; my definition of the third person-category is the one that seems harsh, I know. Those who are giving-in to their fears and not daring to go for it or even go in search of “it” AKA their dreams and their legacy. I’m not critiquing this phase (let’s call it a phase, because I think there are dreams within everyone and when we admit that we can’t unlock them, that’s HUGE and brave and it’s step 1 to moving to another phase that’s fulfilling for YOU and for OTHERS). This brings me to the HOW we overcome fears, because we’re doing a disservice to everyone if we don’t, so there’s an underlying motivator there in the form of “what if”. WHAT IF you did speak up or stand up or go for it. WHAT IF you don’t? Who misses out? You? The world? Both?
So go deep and find out what you want and what the consequence is if you don’t go for it - not just thinking about ourselves now, thinking about global and lasting impact even if what you come up with seems like a “small” dream! No dreams are small just like they say in theater; “no characters are small”. We have a part to play in society, so elevate yourself to that status and realize that the past doesn’t dictate who you are. Past excuses don’t apply when it comes to what we could do in the future if we tried. And so all this comes down to me and the dogs??? Well, in many ways it does. WHY was I afraid in the first place? My Mum (I’m from the UK so it’s Mum not Mom) wasn’t a fan of animals, she still isn’t, and I was afraid of the unknown and comfortably stuck in my ways. What was I risking if I didn’t face this fear?
My incredible mentors in life were fans of dogs - truly, this is how facing my fear started! That’s what pushed me to be selfless here and work on overcoming it. The motivation is everything, and then we all have to decide HOW we’re going to go about doing it, because our fears are our own! So when it gets tough, we fall back onto our WHY and when it’s bigger than just us, that’ll do it! So my wonderful hubby loves dogs, he is so happy when he sees them (as are most people) and I started thinking big-picture we could get a dog before we start a family, I could learn to deal with another time-demanding element in my life, this would help push my organizational skills, it would help develop my nurturing side, added responsibility for us as a couple and ultimately this would be something I could do for him (demonstrating I can and am prepared to change and I value his point of view) and also I wouldn’t be giving my own children the same fear I had (zero blame goes to my Mum, but for me the unknown from childhood turned into genuine “I’m going to cross the road because there is a dog on this side” fear!) Who better to practice with than another incredible mentor in my life: Rebecca-Louise who I admire so very much and she has two adorable (now I call them adorable) pups. Everything was new and I was calling Rob on the phone the first time I dog-sat just to check I was doing things right, but I had DECIDED I WAS READY TO GROW. This is the same principle in all areas when we decide we’re ready to grow and face those fears.
So for me, a phase 1 person who is always prepared to grow and become stronger will abide by these thought principles in every aspect of their life and ride on the wave of motivation that comes when you face even the small fears like dogs, and then just keep on going…..
Decide what the consequence(s) are if we don’t reach for our goals in the first place, or reach for MORE.
Really get connected with who else you can help with this action. Let that fuel you as your WHY.
Formulate the action steps to get there. Who will you ask for help or advice? What books, blogs, podcasts do you need to read or watch to become equipped with the tools to not only face but to CONQUER your fear and extend the impact you have!